Example 1 (Opinion Essay)

Topic: New technologies and ways of buying and selling are transforming the lives of consumers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Model Answer:

New technologies, and in particular the Internet, are undoubtedly having a major impact on the way goods and services are retailed. In many territories, purchasing products online has now become a mainstream activity. Some argue that this isn’t transformatory and merely an extension of what has already occurred. However, this essay concludes that it is in fact a paradigm shift for two primary reasons.

Examiner Notes

• Good extended exploration of different technologies.
• Excellent address of the transformatory aspect.
• Excellent clear answer to the ‘agree’ and ‘disagree’ part of the question.

The development of online shopping has meant that the market for goods available to the individual has grown dramatically. It is possible to buy virtually anything from what has effectively become a world-wide retail market: exotic foods, art works, rare books, adventure holidays; the list is endless. Previously, accessing certain types of products was impossible for remote communities and many islanders would have to travel vast distances to purchase essential items such as life-saving medicine. This revolution has completely altered this state of affairs.

Examiner Notes

• Clear indication to the reader about which technology will be discussed.
• Excellent evaluation of how buying and selling has changed.
• Again, this is very clearly linked with the transformatory aspect of the question.

In addition, the buyer can now get their groceries or products delivered. This has given many shoppers more hours in the day to do activities that they find meaningful. Going to bricks and mortar retail spaces on a regular basis used to take up significant periods of time. Families, now no longer weighed down by the weekly shop, have more time for Sunday lunch or strolling in the park with their children. Many parents have spoken about the profound positive change this has brought to their lives.

Examiner Notes

• Good evaluation of the ‘buying’ and ‘selling’ aspect.
• Good connection with the ‘transformatory’ aspect of the question.
• Each paragraph is clearly linked with how much ‘do you agree or disagree’ part of the question.

In short, online retailing has transformed the lives of consumers in a myriad of different ways. They not only have wider access to goods but have in many cases improved their work-life balance.

Examiner Notes

• Excellent support given for the main points raised in the essay.

Conclusion: The essay uses an excellent mixture of details, language, and sentence types to effectively address all the aspects of the prompt.

Example 2 (Problem / Solution Essay)

Topic: Many people believe that zoos have no purpose in today’s world and should be closed. What problems do zoos bring? What are the alternatives to zoos if they are closed?

Model Answer:

Zoos have been controversial since the first opened in Victorian Britain, and many believe they are no longer needed. Critics maintain that they subject animals to cruel and degrading treatment, which can have horrendous long-term consequences for their physical health. Defenders of these institutions point to the vital conservation work undertaken by such enterprises. This essay maintains that zoos should evolve to become nature parks where wildlife is allowed to roam free.

Examiner Notes

• Excellent extended response that addresses all the key parts of the prompt.
• Not only is precise language used to address key aspects of the prompt, but the writer has also written very concisely.
• Very clear identification of the problems and very clear identification of the solutions.

One of the major issues for those who wish to see zoos banned is confinement. They believe that it is wrong to take creatures out of their natural environment, put them in cages, and give them limited space to occupy. Some biologists have shown that this puts them under terrible physical strain. Wildlife in many zoos develop debilitating health issues connected to their joints at a much higher frequency than animals in the wild. The next paragraph will explore ways to mitigate this and also explore a potential alternative.

Examiner Notes

• Clear identification of what the problem is.
• Also, this essay very clearly identifies what impact this has.
• Excellent linking to the solution.

Opponents of zoos have for years argued that it is the tourists that should be locked in cages, not the birds and the beasts. Some of the most successful institutions give animals free reign but ask the visitors to walk around the park in caged walkways. This both protects the visitors and allows the animals their freedom. This solution has gradually been adopted by many zoos across the world and has led to healthier, happier animals.

Examiner Notes

• Very clear alternative identified.
• The positive impact of this is also clearly identified.

In conclusion, the primary drawbacks of zoos are not insurmountable, and with careful consideration, an alternative can be implemented. If zoos are reformed, it doesn’t mean that families will no longer be able to enjoy the animals together; it just means that they will need to adapt to better provide for the animals’ well-being.

Examiner Notes

• A clear alternative is suggested, and there is excellent support for the main points raised in the essay.

Conclusion: All parts of the prompt are explored sufficiently to achieve the task and well-supported at all times in the essay.

Example 1 (Opinion Essay)

Topic: New technologies and ways of buying and selling are transforming the lives of consumers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Model Answer:

New technologies, and in particular the Internet, are undoubtedly having a major impact on the way goods and services are retailed. In many territories, purchasing products online has become a mainstream activity. Now in the UK, for example, roughly 12 percent of all economic activity is conducted in cyberspace. While some maintain that the actual impact of the Internet on buying habits is negligible, this essay concludes that it is in fact a paradigm shift for two primary reasons.

Examiner Notes

• Clear background sentence presented that is connected to the question. However, rather than giving an overview of the key themes and ideas, it is mostly just the question reworded, so still at Band 8.
• Good overview of the agree side of the argument but little discussion of the ‘transformatory’ impact of these changes.
• Opposite opinion is presented in general but could be more specific, and no mention of selling.
• Very clear opinion, and that helps the essay achieve Band 8 in this paragraph.

Firstly, the development of online shopping has meant that the market for goods available to the individual has grown exponentially. It is possible to buy virtually anything from what has effectively become a world-wide retail market: exotic foods, art works, rare books, adventure holidays; the list is endless. A case in point is Pittenweem, a cul-de-sac in the South East of Scotland with few local amenities. It is developing virgin industries for the first time since the collapse of mass manufacturing, all on the back of e-commerce, showing clearly the impact this revolution is having.

Examiner Notes

• Talking mostly about buying in this paragraph, which is connected to the prompt. But this is still at Band 8 because there is no specific mention of selling anywhere in the essay.
• Also, minimal discussion of whether online shopping is a new technology.
• Good linking back to the opinion showing that this is having an impact, but only minimal discussion of whether this change is ‘transformatory.’

In addition, the buyer now has a greater say over the process. Price comparison websites make it easier to find bargains. Shopping can be done at any time between sunrise and sundown. Consumers can browse for as long as they like without pressure from sales assistants. Many shoppers say that disgruntled customer service was a key factor for them not deciding to visit bricks-and-mortar stores on the high street. It seems clear that in order to thrive, businesses must be able to traverse both these commercial spheres.

Examiner Notes

• Again, the buyer is mentioned, but little discussion of sellers or how transformatory this is.
• This part is kind of irrelevant: ‘In order to thrive, businesses must be able to traverse both these commercial spheres.’
• No real discussion in this paragraph as to whether these changes are transformatory.

In short, experience suggests that online retailing has shifted the balance of power in favor of the consumer. Consumers not only have wider access to goods but also have greater access to information and more control over how they purchase. As we move into the future, it will be important to manage this transition so that all can take advantage of this emerging online economy.

Examiner Notes

• Fairly good but doesn’t address the ‘transformatory aspect.’
• Good addressing of both the buying and selling aspects of the question, but the issue of selling should have been discussed earlier and in greater detail.
• No real discussion of how the writer disagrees or whether this change really is transformatory, as the question suggests.

Conclusion: Some excellent engagement with the prompt, with most of the key themes being effectively addressed. However, this is done inconsistently and would remain at Band 8 because the ‘transformatory’ aspect of the prompt is rarely mentioned.

Example 2 (Problem / Solution Essay)

Topic: Many people believe that zoos have no purpose in today’s world and should be closed. What problems do zoos bring? What are the alternatives to zoos if they are closed?

Model Answer:

Zoos have been controversial since the first opened in Victorian Britain. Critics maintain that they subject animals to cruel and degrading treatment, which can have horrendous long-term consequences. This essay maintains that zoos should evolve to become nature parks where wildlife is allowed to roam free.

Examiner Notes

• Gives an okay background but doesn’t really address all the key themes. No mention of whether zoos have a purpose.
• A problem is identified, but it is quite unspecific as to what the actual problem is.
• A clear, specific alternative has been suggested.

One of the major issues for those who wish to see zoos banned is confinement. They believe that it is wrong to take animals out of their natural environment, put them in cages, and allow tourists to gawk at them all day. Some biologists argue that this puts a terrible strain on the mental and physical health of the animals. A case in point is the famous King of the Mambo gorilla in Melbourne, who was eventually put down after he fell into a severe depression and stopped eating. The next paragraph will explore ways to mitigate some of the negatives and also explore a potential solution.

Examiner Notes

• Very clear outline of what the problems are.
• Solution and alternative are not exactly the same thing. So this is good linking here, but it is not the most precise way to answer the prompt.

Opponents of zoos have for years argued that it is the tourists that should be locked in cages, not the birds and the beasts. Some of the most successful institutions have allowed the animals free reign but asked the visitors to walk around the park in caged walkways. Therefore, protecting the visitors while allowing the animals their freedom. This can have commercial benefits too; the Orang-utan island in Malaysia saw visitor numbers grow when it adopted this approach. This shows that there can be a happy medium between both points of view.

Examiner Notes

• A very clear alternative is presented here.
• This is a slightly irrelevant sentence here that isn’t really connected to the prompt. The question doesn’t ask the candidate to present an opinion.
• No discussion of whether zoos should be closed.

Finally, it’s crucial that we protect the crucial conservation work undertaken by zoologists while also addressing the concerns of some environmentalists. Hopefully, in the future, we can continue this discussion, exploring a number of new solutions so that all can benefit.

Examiner Notes

• This sentence is irrelevant and not connected to the prompt: ‘It’s crucial that we protect the crucial conservation work undertaken by zoologists.’
• Solutions are not exactly the same as alternatives, so this part could be clearer.

Conclusion: Some good engagement with the prompt, including a specific problem identified and a specific alternative suggested. However, the ‘no purpose’ and ‘should be closed’ aspects are barely mentioned. Therefore, this essay stays at Band 8.

Example 1 (Opinion Essay)

Topic: New technologies and ways of buying and selling are transforming the lives of consumers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Model Answer:

The Internet is undoubtedly having a major impact on the way goods and services are bought and sold. In many countries, buying products online has become a habit. While some maintain that the actual impact of the Internet on shopping is not significant, I would argue that it is in fact quite significant for two main reasons.

Examiner Notes

• Has mentioned both buying and selling, which is good, but there is no mention of how this change might be ‘transformatory.’
• Doesn’t really discuss how this might be a new way of shopping.
• A fairly clear opinion is given here, but it doesn’t state how significant this is or if it is transformatory. This could be much clearer.

The first main reason is that the development of online shopping has meant that the market for goods available to the individual has grown exponentially. It is possible to buy virtually anything from what has effectively become a world-wide retail market: exotic foods, art works, rare books, adventure holidays; the list is endless. Products that were once only available to those who lived in large cosmopolitan cities with a wide variety of shops can now be bought by those living in small towns with few local shops.